I often find myself thinking about this question. Probably to help myself with depression treatment, my brain keeps reminding it. It feels like if I can answer this question, I would be able to crack the code. I am not sure if that really is the case.
I think about my childhood, my teenage years, my high-school etc. I can’t figure out exactly when it began. Can depression begin when a person is just a baby? I’m not sure. But that would explain a lot. Although, I remember having fun in primary school. I used to be the one that destroys the most pants in school because of playing football. I remember that I liked a few girls and never talking to them about my feelings. I remember being the brightest kid in my school.
After 5th grade, something changed perhaps. Now that I think, my grades drastically got lower in 6th grade. Puberty? Maybe. Depression? Probably not.
In high-school, I started listening to rock music, found a friend to hang out and stayed in bars and concerts all night long. Started smoking. Like any classic high-school period. I wasn’t a good student but I wasn’t the worst one. I found a place for myself in the middle. At the end of high-school, we took a test to enter university. I was one of the good ones indeed.
Especially in university, I screwed up so many things, you’d be surprised. I was only able to pass one class in two years. Staying in bed forever, missing classes and exams or sleeping during a lecture… I started dreaming about running away and making a fresh start. Maybe, I thought, I am too comfortable here with my family and I have to get under some pressure to be successful. So, I went away from my family. Really, away. 4000 miles away, to Germany. Well, long story short; nothing changed and I came back to my country.
Furthermore, talking about running away, I remember hiding a run-away-pack under my bed when I was 6 or 7. I think I was planning to escape home, but don’t remember why. My mother tells me that I got mad at her because of something. But I remember doing the same thing for a long time. I can’t trust my memories anymore.
What I am trying to tell you here is, it might be hard to specify the exact reason and date that your depression began. What you should know is, you need to do something about it. Getting help for depression treatment would be a good idea.