I want something. We all do want something. To want something is the first step to get it. But as someone living with depression, it is hard to want. The part in our brain that is probably linked to wanting is disrupted for some reason and somehow this is related to depression. I’m not going to talk about the science behind this. But I will try to open this for discussion by asking questions.
A few years ago, I wrote an essay discussing how the act of wanting can be the most important factor in consumerism. The desire to own something is the reason behind most of human actions. You want a car? You work for it. You want to live in a beautiful house? You work for it. You want a family? You build it. However, these are all desires that keep us in the system. And what if a person does not want these? I, for example, don’t want to work. Don’t want to own a car, don’t want to have a house. I just want to live free and peaceful. Is that not possible?
To be able to enjoy the world, do I have to accept it as it is and just be part of it without asking questions? I was born 27 years ago and my destiny was already written by the world around me. 12 years of school + 4 years of college and there you go. From that point you have to work until you die (or retire). When I realized that this is not my path, things started to change. Now I remember, my depression started with me asking questions.
Is depression a mental disorder or a state of awareness and resistance?
Are antidepressants useful medications to fight depression or are they just a way to earn us back to the society and the system?
If I leave the system, will a still be depressed?
Imagine this now. I graduated and found a job, my antidepressants are working and I’m getting paid. I became something that in the beginning I rebelled against.
There is a small village, my father left that village when he was 13. My grandfather died in that village. He was a farmer. Now only 20 people lives there. What if I go there and live on my own. I have the skills to work freelance. I can easily create a sustainable life there. It’s a beautiful mountain village. I can have the time to create hobbies. Woodworking, gardening, farming…
Would it end my depression without antidepressants or would I still be depressed?