depression and love

I never had a real relationship. Now, I know it’s hard to define a real relationship but I’m sure you can understand what I mean. A normal relationship, like everybody else seem to have. Since when I was seven, I’ve had different needs and different relations with women but it all ended in a short time. None of my relations lasted longer than 3 months.

I still remember that girl from 3rd grade. We were sitting in the back of the classroom. A guy from another class had declared his love to my crush. And during a math class, my crush asked me who I liked and I said “you”. It was a pretty bold move if you ask me. I said I like her and her response was brutal. She waved her hand saying, no way.

This was the first time I made an attempt and the first time I got rejected. I don’t even know if it effected me at all. After all I was just a kid. But in time, I realized that I was getting shy and it was getting difficult for me to talk to girls.

During high-school I’ve had many relationships. Most of them lasted less than 2 weeks because I was getting bored. Not because the girl was boring or anything like that. I would just lose interest after a while. Of course, it was not fair to the women I’ve dated. In college, I had an Italian girlfriend. We were both living in Germany back then and went to Hamburg for 5 days. And when we returned to our city, I broke up with her for no reason at all. She was shocked.

Because of all these failed relationships, I’ve began to act more careful. I decided to stay away from any relationship until I feel better. Right now I have no interest at all in having a relationship but I know, having a stable relationship would make me feel better. The only problem is that I am not a stable person. It feels like I’m gonna stay alone forever.


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