Depession treatment

I have to say before I begin, this has been surprisingly good and productive day for me. It’s 5 pm and I can finally gather my strength to leave the bed. I wash my face with cold water and get some hot water for coffee. Today’s breakfast menu is rich: coffee and cigarette. I don’t feel like eating anything. I smoke but I don’t feel anything. It’s just a nasty habit. But the coffee is good. 3 months at Starbucks is finally paying off. I take my antidepressants with coffee.
Let’s see what do I feel guilty about today.
I spent half of my monthly earnings in 2 days
I used machine translation for a client’s website
I missed a poetry class at 12.30
Hmmm… not bad. If my client find out I used machine translation, it might end my freelance career. But let’s not think about that and focus on future.
It’s 6 pm and I’m on my laptop, checking LinkedIn and my emails, sending mails to possible clients. Kind of productive time when you think about it. But of course, this is the time I should actually be translating another client’s documents but hey, machine translation will do that anyway. So let me just waste my time on social media.
8 pm. It’s family dinner time and I’m a bit hungry. I eat nicely and take my antidepressants.
11pm. Two translation agencies replied my mail and sent some sample files for me to translate. I spent 2 hours with it. I hope they send me nice gigs. I believe I did nice with these translations but the competition is fierce and there are always better translators.
It’s night and I decided not to sleep. If I sleep I have to wake up and I’m not very good at waking up. Let me put on some more coffee and find something to keep myself busy.
Oh yeah, why don’t I create another useless website? What a brilliant idea. I design a logo, register my domain, upload files and there you go! Now give me some time to find content for this website. This website is about women’s health by the way. Pregnant women’s health to be more precise. So, I create content for the website until I can no longer stand the idea of bleeding vagina.
Oh, bleeding reminded me something. And I watch game of thrones’ new episode. But I don’t just watch it. I use alt-tab frequently. Hearing is enough. By the end of it, it’s 6 am and it’s go time. I will be able to catch this lecture after 2 months. Not sleeping is really good for me.
I feel guilty for not reading Moby Dick. We’ll have an exam about it in two weeks and there’s no way I finish that book in 2 weeks. I haven’t finished a single book in the past 3 years. I cheat on every exam and get by. I don’t feel guilty about cheating. That’s life. If they catch me cheating, I’d be in great trouble but I take my chances.
So, I am in the college. Today’s class is American Novel 101. I listen but my mind is constantly occupied with other things. I don’t feel sleepy because I haven’t slept but there’s a numbness in my brain. It’s hard to explain. Right now the professor is talking and I’m already lost.
11 am. I leave college and decide to visit library. There, I translate some content for my website, drink lots of tea to stay awake and smoke because of boredom. At 3 pm I commute back home and by 5 pm I get home. It’s been a good, productive 24 hours. Usually my days aren’t like this but today was better because I did not sleep.
Now I will probably sleep more than 16 hours and keep living.

My antidepressants of the day :

Efexor 300

Aripa 15

Lithuril 900

Modiwake 100

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